Tilly: Only one of many million Canuck hotties
about to dominate the planet.
there's anyone who knows love it's Canadian World
mandate has always been to bring about Canada's
ultimate and lasting tyranny in order to gift the
globe with the kindly yet harsh blessings of Canadian
rule. It's all about the love, baby.
hoping our comrades and captives in occupied zones
are having a romantic St. Valentine's Day. Whether
huddling in the trenches with foxy companions from
across enemy lines, or partying it up at a spontaneous
candlelit bonspeil, we want you all to have a memorable
these Top Five CWD suggestions for a successful
Start off the day with love on your mind. Rise early before
your special comrade and scrape the ice off your sweetheart's
windshield before your valentine heads off to battle.
Put some elbow into it and scrape heart shapes on the
windshield and windows to impress your Canuck cutie. Think
of the many erotic variations on "Wash Me" you
can carve into that half metre of ice on the hood!
You can't possibly consume enough maple syrup on St. Valentine's
may be a staple of our Northern diet, but there's no doubt
that the romantic properties of maple syrup are legendary.
Who could turn down an experience sure to be both sticky
We asked our mascot beaver Gordie what was in his combat
flask, and the answer proved to be most agreeable to fans
of maple-flavoured booze. Straight from the front lines,
here's a recipe for a beverage sure to charm Canadian
cuties from coast to coast.
"This is what was in my flask" Valentine's
Day Cocktail of Polar Delight
oz (300 mL) Scotch
5 oz (150 ml) Vodka
4 oz (120 ml) Maple syrup
maple syrup into a glass with ice and the Scotch
and Vodka. Give it a minute to settle and then down
You'll need a special place to consume that maple syrup,
why not take your best gal or guy outside for a winter
wonderland picnic? Call your sled dogs away from tearing
out the throats of the unCanadian -- No time for play
on Valentine's Day!
Bundle up your cutie in your Sunday best flannel and stock
your sled with romantic delectables. Anything you hope
your honey will lick off the small exposed sections of
your flesh not layered under winter gear should go in
the picnic basket. Don't forget beer and Coffee Crisp.
The beauty of the wilderness picnic is the clean-up time.
Shake out the Coffee Crisp crumbs in the snow and toss
leftover tortiere to the dogs!
for making a move on a hottie trapped under shell after
shell of Mountain Equipment Co-op: You'll find many of
those jackets can be modified to zip together to create
giant, four-armed nylon liners or Gore-tek snowpants with
room for two.
Is it your own synthetic igloo or a steamy love shack?
Soften up a grumpy honey with a cozy viewing of
the Road to Avonlea episode where Aunt Hetty's
sharp tongue inadvertently offends Olivia.
any Canadian will realize there are four episodes
containing this plot -- But you want the one after
Olivia marries Jasper, before Cecily contracts tuberculosis,
and after Felicity goes to medical school.
Give your valentine a big smooch each time Hetty
says, "Have you taken leave of your senses!?"
Even bigger smooches if the cannery is flooded,
burnt, collapsed, or runs out of fish.
King: Determined to give you a much
better Valentine's Day than you'd find
over in Carmody.
Who can resist a roaring fire on a snowy February evening?
Certainly not your Canadian beloved. All you need to build
your own romantic bonfire is the following:
- Eight cords of wood (Take care that they are procured
from forests in our occupied territories as true Canadian
trees need to stay where they are -- they are preparing
to scare the shit out of the Scottish when we "come
- One can of lighter fluid (Our love experts advise tying
a red velvet bow around the can; your special someone
will appreciate this attention to detail!).
Organize your logs in the triangular tented fashion you
all learned about in Re-education camp. Put your arm around
your sweetie and sprinkle lighter fluid on the wood. Strike
a match off the unshaven chin of an American POW and toss
it on the log pile. Enjoy the romance of the flickering