the News bureau of the Generals comes this recent collection
of press releases to the media...(those media already controlled
by the office of the Generals). See Canadian plans in action,
as frequent updates chronicle events connected to the upcoming
military aircraft, labelled "Boatplane", prepares
to take off from Lake Ontario. A design unknown to humankind
until the late 1990s, "Boatplane" combines two
of the most mobile military vehicles available ...the
boat...and the plane. "Boatplane" will eventually
be tested in rougher waters, and is expected to shock
the world with its "fly and float" technology.
Its Destination: Unknown.....Its Mission: Classified.....Coolness
Canadian propaganda reminds patriots to be wary of accidentally
disclosing classified information. One never knows when
a sneaky American may be listening, so Canadians, keep
those top secret documents to yourselves! In the event
that an American, (or foolish world power allied with
the US) might obtain important Canadian information, please
contact your branch of the RCMP, CSIS, or CODCO and rat
out the Evil Fiend.
IN THE GAME"
Kiefer Sutherland abandons his acting aspirations and
joins the campaign for Canadian domination as Director
Of Approved Canadian Media. He heads a commission dedicated
to the eradication of all things sucky -- an extensive
list including Country Music, American sitcoms and children
under the age of 5. Director Sutherland now turns his
attention towards the building of a media empire dominated
exclusively by Canadians.
Canadarm, once a scientific tool for space exploration,
has now been utilized for more military applications.
Its mission now to take over the world, the Canadarm has
been brought down to earth and is currently being outfitted
with programming destined to make it a most deadly offensive
weapon. The arm, reaching out to smack dissidents and
other undesirables, will patrol the Canadian border, looking
for trouble and putting it down with a swing of its mechanized
limb. Note: This new improved Canadarm will be equipped
with wheels, and a nice wicker basket in the front for
easy storage of ammo.
TREBEK, LORD OF DESTRUCTION"
Canadian game show host Alex Trebek joins the World Domination
campaign as head of the Canadian Intelligence Centre.
In his role as enforcer of a police state, Alex will be
working towards a world in which no conversation goes
unheard, no anti-government protest goes un-put-down-with-force,
no rioter is not bludgeoned and no American has a shot
at Final Jeopardy. Beneath his gruff and tough exterior
beats a heart of gold -- Alex is always happy to take
time to explain his job to local schoolchildren. "I'm
like your Big Brother," Alex explains, "I see
everything and know all. Now, who would like a maple leaf
pin? Please ignore the microchip on the back...good little
--- SPORT OF CHAMPIONS"
in the picture above, the official Canadian sport of lacrosse
will rapidly become the world's favourite past-time under
upcoming Canuck rule. Expect much destruction of non-Canadian-related
sports equipment, and the rise of hockey stick stocks
as companies throughout the world rush to put Canadian-friendly
recreational products on store shelves. Besides lacrosse,
hockey and basketball, other "permitted" pastimes
will include snowmobiling, dog-sledding, ice skating,
ice fishing, speed skating, rowing and anything with Donovan
Bailey in it. Naturally, in the event of a competition,
the Canadian automatically wins. In the event that more
than one Canadian is in the same event, the outcome will
be considered a tie.
Content copyright © 1997-2000 Generals Claire
& Jenny, Canadian World Domination.
Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.