Our Canadian operatives never cease to complete their missions with the utmost discretion and maximum opportunity for bloodshed. Thanks to their dangerous and highly-photogenic activities, Canadian World Domination Headquarters is blessed with reconnaissance and intelligence reports from around the world.

Sweeties, are you wondering what type of individual can best serve Canadian World Domination aims through the honourable profession of spy and/or assassin? Here's a few  communiques from Canadian-oriented souls who have obviously got the right spirit and/or mentality for dangerously exotic CWD operations. Read of their zeal and try your hardest to be inspired!

Report of Agent "Goose"
Stationed Behind Enemy Lines in fictional US state "Michigan"

Secret Agent Goose checking in.  I've set into motion the plan to retake the state now known as Michigan.  While many of the inhabitants are Canadianized already, we must rip the leashes of the US government from their necks.  I have already taken over one lovely young American using my well refined Canadian skills in charm and wit.  The rest will follw suit.  I have infiltrated their automotive industry and cloak myself as a lazy American worker.  It's a tough assignment but it's for the betterment of the world. I have attached surveillence photographs.  I must go now as I am closely monitored by the NSA, CIA and FBI.


Agent Goose and enthusiastic operatives

Agent Goose and fellow operatives enjoy quiet time before a campaign of slaughter and pillage.
(Agent Goose not identified to guarantee his protection)

Report of Robert L. Clendaniel
Stationed at BayLogic Internet Marketing LLC

Can I be your southern guerrilla commander?  After all, the North Vietnamese had the Viet Cong, right?

I have excellent credentials which I list as follows:

I was born and raised in America but...

#1: I've personally visited the Avro Arrow shrine at the Canadian NationalMuseum of Science and Technology in Ottawa.  I've actually _touched_ it,right on the nosecone!

#2: I worship John Diefenbaker, and make a point of making my Ottawa friend drive me down to his statue on Parliament Hill so I can receive his blessings, every time I'm in town.  I keep a photo of Dalton Camp just so I can throw darts at it.  I realize this may appear to conflict with #1 above, but I know that in reality Diefenbaker's cancellation and scraping order was an incredibly devious deception of the USAF and in fact there are whole squadrons of Arrows poised to launch ASTRA-controlled Sparrow II missiles into the hearts of American cities at any moment.  I could go on...

#3: When the all the branches of the Forces had to wear the same green uniforms, I never snickered.

#4: I listen to "The World at Six" every day when the RCI broadcasts it at 5 PM Eastern time!

#5: And besides, how many Americans do you know who have read all the _best_ Richard Rohmer novels?

#6: I know what the following words mean: Laurentia, Cabotia, Ursalia, Mesopelaga, Efisaga and Tuponia.

#7: I know what "Pearson's Pennant" is _supposed_ to look like.

#8: I still think Margaret Trudeau is cool.

#9: I get weepy just thinking about Vimy Ridge

#10: And (the clincher) I know the secret pass phrase -

"James Sutherland Brown"

OK, it's obvious you'll have to appoint me. My first request is that you march down and burn Washington again. You'd be heroes to millions of Americans! Please, put us out of our misery! Hurry, there's no time to lose!

Robert Clendaniel

Not only has loyal patriot Robert demonstrated the knowledge and willing submission necessary for highly exciting Canadian World Domination work, but he has also single-handedly engineered a corporate take-over of Baylogic and has handed over his former workplace to Generals Claire and Jenny. Just what we love, running big businesses!

We are further pleased to report that Sgt. Krista Scott of fictional "York University" has returned from her terribly glamourous mission in the horrific, badland-nasty areas of the US. We are even more pleased to relay the information that Sgt. Scott is still in possession of all her wonderfully Canadian limbs. The paragraphs below are her official report to our headquarters. We're presenting them to the world, secure in the knowledge that they will only strike fear in the hearts of the un-Canadian, while warming the considerably bigger hearts of Canadian citizens (proud, no doubt, of our military accomplishments).

Report of Sgt. Krista Scott:


At approximately 1300h on [Date Censored] my fellow Canajun officer and I, working undercover, infiltrated one of the most sensitive bases in the US---the home of the Monster Truck Gravedigger. Posing as fans, we pushed marbles up our noses to mimic the linguistic nails-on-a-blackboard of the local dialect. [note the cunning use of physical camouflage! -- C&J] Once inside, we snapped pictures of their secret weapons, Monster Trucks in all sizes. There was even a child sized vehicle so that children could be indoctrinated into the ways of this sinister cult. [horrific! --C&J] As final camouflage we purchased a T-Shirt and wore it with great ironic intent. I suggest Canajun forces turn their attentions towards the great bread-and-circus propaganda of the heinous Monster Trucks of the US South. This seemingly innocuous pastime may be responsible for sucking the intellect from unsuspecting US citizens and I recommend great caution in our approach.

Humbly submitted,

Sgt. Krista Scott, 12th Royal Richler Division

  Vile monster truck Overkill

Vile monster truck "Overkill" demonstrates the necessity for the imposition of "good taste" standards as devised by your ever-vigilant Generals Claire and Jenny.

Thankfully, Sgt. Scott, her glamorous team, sexy Agent Goose and brave ex-Baylogic employee Robert Clendaniel are now safely secured in a secret off-shore base where they are learning new spy-related skills to further their productivity as Canadian agents in the field. Although 41 Canadian operatives, and 36 passenger pigeons, died for this information to be transmitted across the border, the recovery of all Canadian World Domination troops is always a bonus to The Great Cause. We commend our staff's efforts on behalf of the CWD "vision", and pass a motion to consider forming a committee about creating a panel of discussion on the possibility of commissioning a cost-benefits analysis on the probability of investigation into the likelihood of raising spy and/or assassin pay rates.

--Generals Claire and Jenny


Comrade Ray

Content copyright © 1997-2000 Generals Claire & Jenny, Canadian World Domination.
Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.