Canadian operatives never cease to complete their missions
with the utmost discretion and maximum opportunity for
bloodshed. Thanks to their dangerous and highly-photogenic
activities, Canadian World Domination Headquarters is
blessed with reconnaissance and intelligence reports from
around the world.
are you wondering what type of individual can best serve
Canadian World Domination aims through the honourable profession
of spy and/or assassin? Here's a few communiques from
Canadian-oriented souls who have obviously got the right
spirit and/or mentality for dangerously exotic CWD operations.
Read of their zeal and try your hardest to be inspired!
Report of Agent "Goose"
Stationed Behind Enemy Lines in fictional US state "Michigan"
Agent Goose checking in. I've set into motion the
plan to retake the state now known as Michigan.
While many of the inhabitants are Canadianized already,
we must rip the leashes of the US government from their
necks. I have already taken over one lovely young
American using my well refined Canadian skills in charm
and wit. The rest will follw suit. I have
infiltrated their automotive industry and cloak myself
as a lazy American worker. It's a tough assignment
but it's for the betterment of the world. I have attached
surveillence photographs. I must go now as I am
closely monitored by the NSA, CIA and FBI.
Goose and fellow operatives enjoy quiet time before
a campaign of slaughter and pillage.
(Agent Goose not identified to guarantee his protection)
Report of Robert L.
Stationed at BayLogic
Internet Marketing LLC
I be your southern guerrilla commander? After all,
the North Vietnamese had the Viet Cong, right?
have excellent credentials which I list as follows:
was born and raised in America but...
I've personally visited the Avro Arrow shrine at the Canadian
NationalMuseum of Science and Technology in Ottawa.
I've actually _touched_ it,right on the nosecone!
I worship John Diefenbaker, and make a point of making
my Ottawa friend drive me down to his statue on Parliament
Hill so I can receive his blessings, every time I'm in
town. I keep a photo of Dalton Camp just so I can
throw darts at it. I realize this may appear to
conflict with #1 above, but I know that in reality Diefenbaker's
cancellation and scraping order was an incredibly devious
deception of the USAF and in fact there are whole squadrons
of Arrows poised to launch ASTRA-controlled Sparrow II
missiles into the hearts of American cities at any moment.
I could go on...
When the all the branches of the Forces had to wear the
same green uniforms, I never snickered.
I listen to "The World at Six" every day when
the RCI broadcasts it at 5 PM Eastern time!
And besides, how many Americans do you know who have read
all the _best_ Richard Rohmer novels?
I know what the following words mean: Laurentia, Cabotia,
Ursalia, Mesopelaga, Efisaga and Tuponia.
I know what "Pearson's Pennant" is _supposed_
to look like.
I still think Margaret Trudeau is cool.
I get weepy just thinking about Vimy Ridge
And (the clincher) I know the secret pass phrase -
it's obvious you'll have to appoint me. My first request
is that you march down and burn Washington again. You'd
be heroes to millions of Americans! Please, put us out
of our misery! Hurry, there's no time to lose!
only has loyal patriot Robert demonstrated the knowledge
and willing submission necessary for highly exciting Canadian
World Domination work, but he has also single-handedly
engineered a corporate take-over of Baylogic and
has handed over his former workplace to Generals Claire
and Jenny. Just what we love, running big businesses!
are further pleased to report that Sgt. Krista Scott of
fictional "York University" has returned from
her terribly glamourous mission in the horrific, badland-nasty
areas of the US. We are even more pleased to relay the
information that Sgt. Scott is still in possession of
all her wonderfully Canadian limbs. The paragraphs below
are her official report to our headquarters. We're presenting
them to the world, secure in the knowledge that they will
only strike fear in the hearts of the un-Canadian, while
warming the considerably bigger hearts of Canadian citizens
(proud, no doubt, of our military accomplishments).
of Sgt. Krista Scott:
approximately 1300h on [Date Censored] my fellow Canajun
officer and I, working undercover, infiltrated one of
the most sensitive bases in the US---the home of the Monster
Truck Gravedigger. Posing as fans, we pushed marbles up
our noses to mimic the linguistic nails-on-a-blackboard
of the local dialect. [note the cunning use of physical
camouflage! -- C&J] Once inside, we snapped pictures
of their secret weapons, Monster Trucks in all sizes.
There was even a child sized vehicle so that children
could be indoctrinated into the ways of this sinister
cult. [horrific! --C&J] As final camouflage
we purchased a T-Shirt and wore it with great ironic intent.
I suggest Canajun forces turn their attentions towards
the great bread-and-circus propaganda of the heinous Monster
Trucks of the US South. This seemingly innocuous pastime
may be responsible for sucking the intellect from unsuspecting
US citizens and I recommend great caution in our approach.
Krista Scott, 12th Royal Richler Division
monster truck "Overkill" demonstrates the
necessity for the imposition of "good taste"
standards as devised by your ever-vigilant Generals
Claire and Jenny.
Sgt. Scott, her glamorous team, sexy Agent Goose and brave
ex-Baylogic employee Robert Clendaniel are now safely
secured in a secret off-shore base where they are learning
new spy-related skills to further their productivity as
Canadian agents in the field. Although 41 Canadian operatives,
and 36 passenger pigeons, died for this information to
be transmitted across the border, the recovery of all
Canadian World Domination troops is always a bonus to
The Great Cause. We commend our staff's efforts on behalf
of the CWD "vision", and pass a motion to consider
forming a committee about creating a panel of discussion
on the possibility of commissioning a cost-benefits analysis
on the probability of investigation into the likelihood
of raising spy and/or assassin pay rates.
Claire and Jenny
Content copyright © 1997-2000 Generals Claire
& Jenny, Canadian World Domination.
Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.