The Pledge of Allegiance

Recent chit-chats around the water coolers of the Empire have been centered around the important issue of how to express one's loyalty to the Canadian empire! Naturally, oaths are an important and vital part of every citizen's daily affirmation of love for the great nation-state of Canada -- but lately citizens have found themselves confronted by the most unlikely of conditions ... a choice!

Two versions of the Pledge of Allegiance are currently in use around the globe. Should loyal citizens make their Pledge of Allegiance to Generals Claire and Jenny? Is it more appropriate to consider the faceless monolith of the Empire? Should a possible disregard for the beauty of Generals Claire and Jenny be allowed to stand? Which option is most pleasing to our Canadian overlords? Any loyal citizen will be mindful of making a possible mistake.

The History of the CWD Pledge of Allegiance:

The original Pledge was written by CWD command to accompany a bombastic score for oboe and tuba. Over the years, the music fell to the wayside as sending oboe and tuba units into battle proved cumbersome. The spoken version of the Pledge has surpassed the theme to Hockey Night in Canada as the most recognized Canadian symbol in the Empire. Indeed, a 1967 Royal Commission to investigate a possible merger of the HNIC theme and the Pledge was greeted with much enthusiasm. A final published report is due shortly.

The Pledge of Allegiance - pre-1954

I pledge allegiance to the ultimate and unwavering authority,
of the Canadian Empire,
and subsequent planets to be explored and conquered under the CWD Space Program.
One monolithic bureaucracy,
Indivisible, with Security and Good Government for All.

During the 1950's many members of the CWD Tribunal overseeing occupied areas noted with horror that soon-to-be Canadian citizens due for processing into the Canadian Empire were simply unfamiliar with the nation so completely conquering themselves and their families!

While forced indoctrination during viewings of The Littlest Hobo is a standard field tactic for non-Canadians in occupied areas, the Tribunal decided that adding the phrase "under Generals Claire and Jenny" to the standard pledge would help new citizens become adjusted to their new Canadian, colder, and more civilized, situations. As could not yet be wholly regulated by CWD technology at this time, many of these citizens reproduced and passed to their offspring the pledge as recorded below:

The Pledge of Allegiance - post-1954

I pledge allegiance to the ultimate and unwavering authority,
of the Canadian Empire,
and subsequent planets to be explored and conquered under the CWD Space Program.
One monolithic bureaucracy, under Generals Claire and Jenny,
Indivisible, with Security and Good Government for All.

Anything related to the beloved Generals is quickly picked up by the Empire at large, and it is no surprise that this version of the Pledge has become popular with Canadians everywhere from Canada South to Canada Proper.

CWD historians have long debated the modern relevance of the phrase "under Generals Claire and Jenny". Surely, the pledge already alludes to the Generals in the words "Canadian Empire". As schoolchildren around the globe are taught, the Empire itself is indivisible from the concept of the Generals. Is the post-1954 phrase redundant? However, what about the millions who enjoy the idea of being "under Generals Claire and Jenny?"

The latest word from CWD HQ is that both versions of the Pledge are legitimate.

Fear no more citizens! Your next government-sanctioned "work break" will be no longer filled with talk of conflicting pledges. Instead, the buzz of the nation will return to worthy topics like the increased ration of maple-dip donuts per household. Or the latest Anne of Green Gables sequel. What will that Anne-girl get up to next? Great Jehosophat, this is a fine kettle of fish.

Your Generals speak!

General Claire says..
General Claire
"Generals Claire and Jenny is a symbolic phrase meaning Canadian Empire. Or basically, the Canadian Empire is a symbolic phrase meaning Generals Claire and Jenny. Think of it that way, guys! Okay, you know, you could say this pledge with one word: Canada! But you'd have to grunt it like you meant it, or it would become a matter for the secret police. Do you think we don't know when you aren't grunting like you mean it? Of course we know -- that's the ultimate in "ultimate authority". Friends, it all makes sense. Northsiiiide!"

General Jenny says..
General Jenny
"CWD is not so concerned with what you pledge, as what you do. Those of you taking the time to debate about the pledge are wasting precious minutes that should be used to collect tin for the war effort. Each gram of tin uncollected is like a blemish on the face of the Empire. Start your day with your selected version of the pledge and proceed immediately to your processing centres to receive your assignment for the cycle. With every cubit of processed tin, we further the cause of Canadian civilization!"


Comrade Boot

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Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.