Read some of our oldest and most amusing emails.

Mail To The Generals:


 Winzer Carty

hello cunucks for starters your country sucks and the us military should role there tanks into toronto and send the mounties to the artic circle, at least my country dosn't still have to kiss britains ass still ha ha ha oh and your basebal teams suck to "eh" the only thing your country provides to the world is mapple surip and bad actors and singers USA USA USA USA

 Kyle Quakenbush

Hey Assholes u cant take over the world cuz look your pityful country vs.U.S.A,CHINA,UK,germany,and rest of the world


 Angel Sefin


 Dick Frantz

Will you unleash upon us your UNCONSCIONABLY VILE, your MORALLY BEREFT, your ULTIMATE WEAPON? Will you send the Newfies?

Have mercy, Dominators

Edward Stone

we will trade you the french canadians for our mexicans.


are you kidding me. U.S. could kill your stupid county within an hour. (at most). I think you are joking. U.S. is cool dude.

Thanks for waisting my time, Matt "the ru moo" stevick

Nathan Zingg

So, in Canada it's, "Praise the Lord and pass the gunpowder, PLEASE!"?

Or are you sociopaths, who kill people with glee? I always thought that having a conscience was a GOOD thing.

You are well positioned for an attack with 90% of your population at our border. But you forget that your military force is made up of 10 .22mm rifles and a colt pistol. The U.S. would destroy you, and I have long believed that the only thing keeping your country free is that the U.S. has no desire to control a bunch of socialists. If you didn't keep funneling in beer to dull our senses we would have invade YOU long before now.

Jim Smith

Canada allows a segment of its population to continue to speak French (no truly great country can allow French to become an official language).

Your government is a socialist one, with all of the oppressiveness and inefficiency that entails.

Cameron Brister

Don't fuck with us until you can buy your own damn guns in vending machines at junior high schools like God's people down here do.

Cameron Brister, American

The US is now a globe-bestriding colossus, economically, militarily, culturally, technologically, politically, you name it. There is no disputing that we are number one, second to none, and boy does that feel good.

As it is, with the US outnumbering Canada twelve to one, we would squash you like a rotten grape under a steamroller. And don't you ever forget it.

Jean Francois Picard

Its a free country you piece of shit. You know this great nation could become a first world order if we could just get rid of people like you. Have more sex it will get much easier in your life. Animals are no good for your dick and pussy.


Little do you know that even as you speak, Canadian morale is being quietly disassembled. The Quebec Nordiques and the Winnipeg Jets are merely the first casualties. Soon, ALL NHL TEAMS WILL BECOME AMERICAN!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Either pay our agents--the greedy NHL team owners--outrageous sums of money, or kiss NHL hockey goodbye!!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

The Americans will prevail!!

God bless America

Louis Deis[1.0]

Now, number one, this is probably a joke of some kind. But hey, if it isn't, well, then listen up. Number one, how in the hell would you canadian-bacon eating drunks get that sattilite into space? Number 2, even if you created your own soldiers, they would never be able to defeat the United States, and it is impossible that they would take over the world. Are you people so blind to see that many people would die in your "invasion". Well, here's one thought for you to ponder. Christopher Culumbus discovered America. And do you know who discovered Canada? The roto-ruter man!!!

Louis Deis [2.0]

...Sorry, didn't know this page was satire.

 Simon Kenyon

What are the Americans on? If Vietnam can beet them then so can you! But don't even think of attempting one on us Brits we'll kick your arses back to that frozen waste we can't even be bothered ruling anymore!

Kishan Vipulanandan

I think your webpage sucks! USA USA USA!!!!!!!!


P.S. You can't take American influence away because it is much more stronger than Canadian influence will ever be!!!!!!!

Adam Manfredi

candia is its own country i thougth it was a part of america

Michael Shatto

Besides the topic you site is layed out well

I will give 4 reasons why Canada Will never rule the world

1.)Remember Napoleon, Hitler, and Ganges Kong when they tried to take over the world, they got so far and then had their arse's kicked and they died!

2.)The only good part of your armed forces is your air force and their probley 3rd to 4th best in the world(#1 is the U.S #2 is Russia<----Yes I know their economy sucks but their air-force could still beat yours!)

3.)The back woods hicks in the US have more of an arsenal than Canada and they would kick your arse!

4.)THE MAIN REASON WHY-----> You have no Nuclear Devices!

Jasmine Young



hey, sounds kew 2 me=P=D (btw i'm a mentally challenged, fashion/nut, an cannot accept the fact tha canada wants to take over us!!) but neway, your idea is entertaianing, even if it DOES make me an my state DROWNED but hey fl sux=P one favor though, on ur bay, can u move it over to the left? i could never remember the namez of those states an dont wanna hafta learn em=P=D but newayz, have fun, try not to drowned my state, an make sure south park plays 24/7!


 Little A

Dude this is one fucked up web page but its damn funny! You ripped on America so its time to rip on Canada! O Canada! Our home and shitty land, true homosexual love in all thy sons command. With failing hearts we see thee cry, the frozen north weak and white! From far and wide O Canada we sink in the snow for thee. Satan keep Canada crappy and cold! O Canada we sink in snow for thee. You Canadians couldn't invade us worth a shit, we'd finish you off quicker than we did Saddam and besides "No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another." --Thomas Jefferson And we've got the military might to back it up. Canadian piss me off! Where exactly are you from anyways?

Joshua Barach

How the hell do you expect to invade another country, namely the US, when you own government doesn't even allow you to own guns? The first time you cross the border with your rakes and pitchforks, some hillbilly is gonna blow your head off with the double barrel shotgun he keeps nestled in the back window of his pickup. Time to grab your ankles on this one, ladies, your disarmed populace can't even protect itself from cigarette smugglers, much less an armed and free country. JLB in Charlotte, NC

PS just in case your serious, I'm only kidding!


Like the Idea of you people blowin' away the US. Looks like yer plans of world domination is mainly targeted at them. Pitty, If ya wanna rule the world, use yer Fightin' skills against us: The Dutch! Only a couple of 100 years back we ruled the world (incl. the US of f-ing A) and we will do it again (In Time). Prepare to loose.





jane miles

How can you expect anyone to take you seriously? I mean it is true that all you Canadians are descendents from the know, the country that teaches their soldiers in bootcamp how to say "I surrender in 16 different languages"! The same country that had us (Americans) save their tight butts from the nazis! ...

Jane, the true blue american.

George Herbert

If you absorb the US, where are you all going to go to shop?

-george william herbert

Craig Yeaton

To All concerned,

I guess that explains why all the Canadian warriors and units (hockey players and teams)are crossing the boarder. It doesn't explain why they keep loosing all their battles. One more thing you might want to consider, if you take over the United States where would all your people go to earn real money?

Good luck in your endeavors.


Chris Finch

Could you PLEASE get rid of the annoying music on the main page? I turn my speakers off everytime I go there. Other than that, your site is great.



p.s. I'm afraid that Barenaked Ladies have sold out to the U.S.!

Albert Karam

Your country bites the big one. Satiric or not, Canada is simply dying to be conquered by the USA, whereupon it can be put to some good use. When you've finished kissing England's ass, why don't you go and form an army whose main mode of transportation isn't the horse. Better yet, why don't you form an army--on horseback or not--that will actually do battle with another nation. No, instead, Canada is content to revel in its mediocrity. Where are the most prestigious institutions of higher learning? In the USA. Hmmmm....let me just check on that one...let's see, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Brown, Duke, Columbia, Dartmouth, see these institutions are full of the world's brightest minds. So if a Canadian desires to be well educated, he must come to the USA. That is, until Canada is clever enough to get one of its institutions to rank among...oh I'll go easy on you...let's say among the top 25 colleges in the world. Right now I think Canuck Community College is your best currently clocks in at the world's 7,389th best school...right behind USA's very own Empire Beauty School. By the way, I know this page is satiric...but c'mon...what right do you have to--even as a joke--promote your pathetic wasteland of a nation--a nation whose biggest assest is Peter Jennings...someone who works of another country if I remember correctly...perhaps you could e-mail me back with the answer...

Dudley Albrecht

You poor frozen fools ! The USA counterplot for the absorbtion of The Great White North continues. Our main weapon SPORTS! In a couple of years the NFL will have franchises in Vancouver and Toronto: that will be the end of Canadian Football. Candanian basketball is dead thanks to the Raptors and the Grizzlies. We even let the Bluejays win a couple of World Series to lull you into a sense of false security . Soon all Candian men will be sitting in front of th eir TV's each Sunday drinking beer and becoming a mindless idiot like most American men.And then we strike! We would have taken you over in 1812 if we had'nt have had shit for brains generals in charge. With decent leadership we Yanks would have kicked your ASS at Lundy's Lane, Queenstown, and Chippewa! I agree with you that Celine Dion sucks..but what can you expect form Canada? UAS-USA_USA-USA-USA

ha you moose huggers cant ever take us americans you know why?
we actully have minorities in our country
so there

(this is a joke) : )

You people scare me!

Kyle VanderWilt


        Yes, Im American, I love my country, and...I feel its the greatest
nation in the world.  I sympathise with your cause, though.  I do feel
that Canada is made fun of way to much by Americans and the rest of the
world.  Its so hard not to though, you have French people, Frozen
Tundra, Monties, and suck up to us Americans all the time!
        This is why I am going to give you some advice.

        1. Get a military!  Right now you guys couldn't beat our border guys
holding pistols.  And remember that you are currently protected by the
American Nuclear Shield.  So you'll have to break all those arangements.

        2.  Get your lil dicks out of Britains ass!  We did this 200 years ago,
and it does wonders!  Dont you realize that you are simply pawns of
a joke if you think you'll dominate!

        3.  Your Economy is piss poor!  We have so much of our lucious and
plentifull American dollars in your nation that it is practically the
51st state!

        4.  DUMP QUEBEC!  PLEASE!  These french speaking bastards are the one
thing I hate about Canada!  Here, our British Daddy gave them the right
to keep there calture and now they act like there big shit!  Let them
seperate, conqueror them later! (if you even want that shit hole!)

        Now, here are some problems with invading the United States.  We have
so many allies.  Great Britian would even side with us because they,
like you, suck our dicks too.  Another thing is 2000 war ships, 50,000
strategic aircraft.  Thousands of Mobile Armor, millions of the worlds
top trained troops, the American Army.  Oh, yeah.  And 3000 nuclear

        To conclude this I would like to say that I am very patriotic, like
most Americans, and would fight to the death to keep that flag waving.
That is the reason America is the imperial power of the world.  We are
such a strong and connected people that we will die rather then salute
another flag.  GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR GIVE ME DEATH!  I, my self, have
visited Canada a number of times!  I say that I have never met a bad
canadian!  Your nation is so pure and pretty!  But America, Im sorry, is
much stonger and all around better!  IF!  by some miracle of GOD you are
able to over power us,  come on over to my house and well get something
to eat!  GOOD LUCK!  You'll need it!

Kent Donnelly

What If some AMERICANS like Canada.  I like Canada. We even could make room on the AMERICAN flag for another 10 provinces and 2 territories.  Well maybe just 9 provinces.  We hate frogs. We'll leave Quebec and just call it "All That Is Left Of Canada-Land"

T. Bridges

Dear Fiendishly Evil Generals

In response to your pathetically mundane and utterly predictable goals:
I have long labo(u)red under the apparently mistaken impression that
Canadians had neither the climate for growing pot, nor the prediliction for
useing it. You have throughly corrected my misapprehension.  In truth, I
now believe your country to possess not merely the finest Cannabus
available, but also the widest array of hallucinogens know to man.
        Please continue to huddle weakly around your smoky camp-fires and dream
your little rabbit dreams of glory. The United States, in its great and
kindly wisdom will continue to ignore your rabid, spittle-emitting
maunderings.  Farewell you swivel-eyed jackass.

                                In magnanimous empathy,

                                T. Bridges

p.s.  How is the Head-Bashed-In Buffalo Jump Interpretive Centre doing?

Marcel G. Chapa Liberty  [1.0]

Heya Kanuckas

Does any Kanadion know how to hold a camera straight, won't the fact that you'll have to use foriegn camerapersons diminish your cause? eh.

Marcel G. Chapa Liberty [2.0]


C - centralized medicine
A - eh.
D - dump, as in waste-dump.
I - in-effective military
A - Americans, North Americans that is.
N - not gonna happen

R - rude, as in French people who are so rude they can't even get back to their own home country any more (U.S., France, or England)
U - underdeveloped (as in just above Mexico, but below Europe in third world status)
E - England's best French tickler

I - is
S - stupid

P.S.. I enjoyed your website. Glad my speakers were off, judging from all the comments, it was a good thing they were.
P.S.. According to your testing, I'm 3/57's Canadian - eh?

Ryan Heffley

Like any dominatrixes you overlooked the little details.

I) Matt Pinfield would kick the shit out of Rick the Temp.

II) You've never been south of the Mason-Dixon line have you? We have an army of Mexicans that can be used as fodder until you run out of ammo, then who would you get to work the chicken plants that supply the world with chicken nuggets

III) The Canadian Airwolf(Season IV)sucked shit. Our Airwolf was awesome and could take out your  entire airforce in under an hour (including commercial breaks). And any P.O.W.s could be rescued by the A-team.

IV) Canadian Bacon is poison

V) If Canada is so awesome, why did Shania Twain leave? (and don't say "We made her")

VI) To quote Dennis Leary: "Two words "Nuclear Fucking Weapons"

VII) John Wayne

VIII) The NorthBranch Federales

'nuff said


I figure the generals are actually Yankees... (or confederates).  probably


Dear canadians,

rot in hell you damn canadians!!!! you dont know how to spell color and damn
and about. learn how to speak retards!!! we hate canada and we always will.
And by the way....... your BEER SUCKS!!! USA USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!!! OH


I've never trusted you damn Canadians, and always had thought that you
were being way too friendly to us Americans. I've been saying for
years that you simply CANNOT trust anyone who would try to pass off
ham as "Canadian bacon!"

Now I see your plan! You're simply trying to lull us into a false
sense of calm so that we lower our defenses. You'll then try to invade
and takeover the U.S. so that you can get your hands on all of our
pigs so that you can then get some REAL bacon.

Well, I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty: You'll NEVER
take my bacon until you pry it away from my cold, dead hand!

I'll also be sure to spread the word of your evil plans to my fellow

I'm giving you fair warning: You'd better take off right now, you
hoseheads, or you will suffer the consequences!


All right, you stuipid Canucks, I have a few questions, like what the hell are you going to do when the nukes start  falling? Your pathetic beaver pellets won't stand a chance! And how are you going to defeat China? Their army consists of  over 4 million without recruiting anyone right now. Besides, its not like you can defend against stealth bombers annihiting your  pitiful cities, and your sorry fighter planes couldn't do jack against a Wildcat (our WWII fighters), let alone the new F-22s  which we created. I bet your pilots are going to turn tail and run when they see these fighters locking onto them with an  AIM-120 missiles or a Sidewinder. And what do you think's gonna happen when our Navy comes in? Decimate your pitiful diesel submarines with impunity. You make me sick!

  Charley Raj

Canadian athletes really sucked during the recent Commonwealth games in Kuala Lumpur. So we decided to abduct and cut apart several of those hopeless saps to study how come Canadians were born-suckers. Finally Malaysian  scientists discovered how to make Canadians suck EVEN MORE!!!!

They've developed a secret weapon to be used against U guys should U decide to invade us:

cattle prod!

I'm not really sure how it works (it's real top-secret) but the instruction read:

Shuv up Canadian's ass - REALLY HARD!!!

I just viewed your domination web site ...I haven't even gone past the home page and foun dhte need to express my opinion. I think we have an identity crisis as Canadians. We are frustrated at the publicity the yanks get with their way of life when we know that we too live like them. If the goal of the dopmination is to rid the world of its american influence then what would you replace the influence with? Canadian influence? We are just like them in the sense of how we live. I don't like yanks as a whole and recognize that canucks are generally better people. However, and I know (or hope) that your site is merely fun, but it is so hypocritical and non-canuck like that it might as well be MADE IN THE USA. 

Andrew Ryan

You two have to be the biggest god damn idiots I have ever heard of.

Hope you enjoyed our visitors' comments! We'd like to thank everyone who sent us supportive and kindly mail, and ask that you join us in pitying the poor fools above -- for they and their opinions will surely become obsolete in the Great Canuck Future ahead [cue patriotic music!].

Love and hugs,
The Generals


Comrade IMAX

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Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.