tune into the revolution's underground communication
channel Radio Free Canada on Christmas Day to hear
their tyrants give their year end address to the nation.
General reaction to the broadcast: "Lord thunderin'
of broadcast: December 25, 2000 / 12:00 am EST
Location: Bowels of the Diefenbunker, Ottawa, Ontario
Broadcast by: Radio Free Canada
- - - - - -
Happy holidays comrades!
Generals hope all citizens of "Canada Proper"
and of our occupied zones around the world have
had a productive and industrious year 2000. Christmastime
is a unique opportunity for the Byzantine bureaucracy
of Canadian World Domination to celebrate the successes
and highlights of the previous two thousand years.
seems like only yesterday that we thumped that last
spike into the Canadian national railroad. Surely,
not much time has passed since the birth and subsequent
caging of the Dionne quints. Of course, no one can
forget the War of 1812, a conflict subject to much
academic debate, but one that your Generals choose
to officially declare, 188 years later, a Canadian
victory. Should you care to quibble this point,
you can just suck it.
Canadian soldiers distribute Shreddies rations
to starving Americans in occupied states.
past millennia have been exciting times for Canada indeed,
it is only since 1997, with the rise of the CWD-led expansionist
movement, that Canada has begun to experience its predestined
glory. Canada's malevolent patience and commitment to
meticulous preparation has been truly rewarded in the
popularity of our plans for world domination. Canadians
by birth and Canadians at heart have embraced the ideals
of Canada's totalitarian, yet cozy, rule. Millions have
tasted the maple sugar goodness of the CWD platform and
pronounced it good. Entire nations cry out to become one
with our frozen empire of nationalized health care and
roosters in bags. A social movement is no doubt underway,
and it would be irrational to resist!
Canadians across the nation (like the comrade pictured
here) extract tree sap for use in maple-related rituals
furthering the cause of CWD.
this year end message, your Generals would like
to especially speak to those comrades currently
behind enemy lines. Many of you are there by intent
-- we appreciate your efforts, your diligence, your
suffering in aid of the cause. We mourn the loss
of you from the collective. If you are in an unnaturally
warm area this Christmas, feel cheered by the knowledge
that we have a Minister without Portfolio dedicated
to thinking chilly, snowy, blustery thoughts on
those comrades away from the heart of the empire
due to circumstances beyond your control -- take
heart. You can turn that ex-pat frown upside down
by taking advantage of your front line location.
There will always be people who haven't heard of
the rationality of Canadian rule -- you can personally
enlighten hundreds! Remember children are especially
impressionable, and have small hands and feet suited
to work in our asbestos mines and donut factories.
Please determine now what resources in your area
will be most useful to Canada when we arrive. Our
civil servants love charts and graphs; your collected
intelligence reports will be valuable to administrators
of occupying forces headed your way. Thanks to your
efforts in the barbarian wilderness, the civilization
of Canadian rule can be more safely and quickly
extended to those around you.
Christmas and New Year's message would be complete without
a word to those comrades born outside the empire who are
sympathetic to Northern tyranny. Compliant non-Canadians
should never fear the upcoming invasion for they will
be rewarded upon our global advance. Canada looks forward
to gifting these individuals with Canadian citizenship
and preferred status at Beaver Lumber. Sit tight friends,
soon the world map will be bathed in red!
on earth (and subsequent planets soon to be explored
and conquered under the CWD space program),
Claire and Jenny
Canadian World Domination