Year End 2000 Message

Radiocar listeners Patriots tune into the revolution's underground communication channel Radio Free Canada on Christmas Day to hear their tyrants give their year end address to the nation. General reaction to the broadcast: "Lord thunderin' Jesus, yes!"

Transcript of broadcast: December 25, 2000 / 12:00 am EST

Location: Bowels of the Diefenbunker, Ottawa, Ontario
Broadcast by: Radio Free Canada

Transcript follows:
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Happy holidays comrades!

Your Generals hope all citizens of "Canada Proper" and of our occupied zones around the world have had a productive and industrious year 2000. Christmastime is a unique opportunity for the Byzantine bureaucracy of Canadian World Domination to celebrate the successes and highlights of the previous two thousand years.

It seems like only yesterday that we thumped that last spike into the Canadian national railroad. Surely, not much time has passed since the birth and subsequent caging of the Dionne quints. Of course, no one can forget the War of 1812, a conflict subject to much academic debate, but one that your Generals choose to officially declare, 188 years later, a Canadian victory. Should you care to quibble this point, you can just suck it.

Shreddies rationing

Canadian soldiers distribute Shreddies rations to starving Americans in occupied states.

Although past millennia have been exciting times for Canada indeed, it is only since 1997, with the rise of the CWD-led expansionist movement, that Canada has begun to experience its predestined glory. Canada's malevolent patience and commitment to meticulous preparation has been truly rewarded in the popularity of our plans for world domination. Canadians by birth and Canadians at heart have embraced the ideals of Canada's totalitarian, yet cozy, rule. Millions have tasted the maple sugar goodness of the CWD platform and pronounced it good. Entire nations cry out to become one with our frozen empire of nationalized health care and roosters in bags. A social movement is no doubt underway, and it would be irrational to resist!

Canuck sap wrangler

Canadians across the nation (like the comrade pictured here) extract tree sap for use in maple-related rituals furthering the cause of CWD.

In this year end message, your Generals would like to especially speak to those comrades currently behind enemy lines. Many of you are there by intent -- we appreciate your efforts, your diligence, your suffering in aid of the cause. We mourn the loss of you from the collective. If you are in an unnaturally warm area this Christmas, feel cheered by the knowledge that we have a Minister without Portfolio dedicated to thinking chilly, snowy, blustery thoughts on your behalf.

For those comrades away from the heart of the empire due to circumstances beyond your control -- take heart. You can turn that ex-pat frown upside down by taking advantage of your front line location. There will always be people who haven't heard of the rationality of Canadian rule -- you can personally enlighten hundreds! Remember children are especially impressionable, and have small hands and feet suited to work in our asbestos mines and donut factories. Please determine now what resources in your area will be most useful to Canada when we arrive. Our civil servants love charts and graphs; your collected intelligence reports will be valuable to administrators of occupying forces headed your way. Thanks to your efforts in the barbarian wilderness, the civilization of Canadian rule can be more safely and quickly extended to those around you.

No Christmas and New Year's message would be complete without a word to those comrades born outside the empire who are sympathetic to Northern tyranny. Compliant non-Canadians should never fear the upcoming invasion for they will be rewarded upon our global advance. Canada looks forward to gifting these individuals with Canadian citizenship and preferred status at Beaver Lumber. Sit tight friends, soon the world map will be bathed in red!

Peace on earth (and subsequent planets soon to be explored and conquered under the CWD space program),

Generals Claire and Jenny

Canadian World Domination


Comrade Bill

Content copyright © 1997-2000 Generals Claire & Jenny, Canadian World Domination.
Unauthorized duplication leads to punishment.